Monday, September 15, 2008

This could get ugly

Alright all you newlyweds and not-so-newlywed girls ... we need to talk. We are half way through September and Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here before we know it. This will be my first time going through these holidays as a married gal and I am starting to get nervous. Why? Because I am selfish. And big on holiday tradition. And I really, really like my family and how we celebrate these holidays. We always have lots of friends over on Thanksgiving night to eat left-overs. I don't want to miss that. We always go to the Christmas Eve service at my parents church. I would die if I missed that. We have a big crew that comes and eats dinner on Christmas Eve, we always have the same thing and we always have the same breakfast on Christmas morning. I want to continue with those traditions.


But now there is the Beau's family who wants us to be around for the holidays as well, which is completely understandable. Except that I don't want to miss out on my family's traditions and celebrations. I know it is selfish ... but frankly, I don't care. The Beau is generally a very easy going (read: lets me have it my way) kinda guy but he isn't going to let me win this battle without a fight. He thinks we should do either Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family and the other with his. That's the dumbest solution I have ever heard! I am kidding but, seriously, this is going to sting! I have tried pulling the card that the girl should be with her family blah, blah ... it is not working. I like my in-laws (a lot actually) so that is not the issue. It is just that I know this transition isn't going to be easy for me.


What about ya'll? Where are you going to spend the holidays? If this is your first married Christmas or Thanksgiving are you going to spend it with your family or his? I especially want to hear from you who have devil-in laws!!!


Hopefully, this won't be an issue next year as I want to take the Beau to Europe over the holidays. Christmas in Paris 2009 sounds good to me!

xoxo~

26 comments:

LyndsAU said...

Girl... Luckily this situation worked out perfectly last holidays and I am PRAYING the same thing happens this year. Pray and cross fingers :)
It will all work out. Compromise is key. Figure out what IS MOST important (just in case you can't have it all). And I am with you on the whole... one holiday there and the other here. Not a great idea!

amberjohnson said...

We've only had one brief, completely pointless conversation about it so far and I get the feeling that if I leave it up to Derek we'll just be flying by the seat of our pants this holiday season! Of course Lyds and I will keep you ultra updated on how we're going to do it, but maybe some other commentors will have advice for all three of us.

JN said...

I just got married in July and am feeling the same thing except for the last 2 years we have been doing holidays together and with both families so it's not as new but now that we're married my husband isn't going to let us celebrate christmas day with my parents like we always do. Do your parents and in laws live close by each other. One option which I have a feeling we will be doing for the next coupel of years is going to each other's families for Christmas and since Thanksgiving isn't huge in my family, I have been going to my husband's family, plus I have to work the day after thanksgiving so it's an excuse, but I htink this year we're going to have Thanksgiving and invite my family so we can start our own traditions. But I keep telling myslef that change is good and we need to break it up. Plus it always helps to have a great sister-in-law so we usually discuss and whine to each other about our in-laws...good luck! Sorry this is so long:)

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

how far away are your families from each other?

we have issues because my family is in texas and his is right here in columbia. we see them EVERY WEEKEND! i want to see my family on the holidays.

we're going to louisiana and texas for thanksgiving to spend it with my family. my family is coming here for christmas and we're all celebrating it together.

it's really tough. not fun at all. my family is so much more fun!!!

and i can't blog about this because his mom reads my blog like it's her job.

Belle said...

I hate to tell you but it's been ugly in my house for 25 years trying to deal with the holiday situation. On the bright side, our parents live in the same town so we have always gotten to see both families BUT, like you, I wanted (and still want) to be with MY family and not his family and we have the same long conversation EVERY year! Again, on the bright side we're still married so I guess we've figured out how to compromise.

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

LOL, you sound like me!! We actually do Thanksgiving at his parents house and we work around my Christmas schedule. That is because we all celebrate Christmas at my grandparents and we are not sure how much longer they have. So he knows how important that is to me. So that is are deal. If we miss Christmas at his parents we just miss it.

Tracy said...

I have been married five years and this is still an issue and probably will be forever!!! We have three families we have to rotate between because my parents are divorced. It gets HARD! Plus, once you have a child it gets WORSE!

I won't name names but one of the set of three thinks they get us all holidays and it drives me NUTS! Last Christmas we decided to have Christmas at our house and whoever wanted to see us had to come to us.

We just have to compromise and try to rotate between the families the best we can.

New Girl on Post said...

I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to miss out on your own families traditions. I'm the same way too. My husband and I don't have that problem though because he is not close with his parents and the rest of his family lives many states away and really don't get together for the holidays. So by default, we go to my family events.

Laurie said...

Well, this is a familiar dilemma:)

Our parents live in different states than we do - so we do the trade off. We spend Thanksgiving with one family and then Christmas with the other. But...we "split" Christmas. Last year we were with my family the 23-27 and then went to his the 27-new years.

Mrs. Forever said...

I am so incredibly lucky when it comes to holidays! My husband is the youngest of three sons and the last to get married. My sisters-in-law both refused to celebrate holidays with anyone but their own parents, so my husbands family now does holidays on the wrong days (Christmas is always the Saturday before, Thanksgiving is Friday, Easter is Saturday, etc.) So yay for holidays with MY family every year! (Except the years we choose to go spend Thanksgiving with his grandparents - then that is actually on Thanksgiving day)

Julie said...

Let me tell you that it DOES get worse when you have kids. Because both sets of grandparents want them for Christmas. We haven't worked Thanksgiving out but Christmas eve we do my parents and Christmas day we do his parents.

morewineplease said...

you think its tough now... just wait until you have kids... thats when the claws really come out, grandparents are really serious about grandbabies.
I could go on for days about this.. one thing I will say, hubby and I made a rule that we will ALWAYS wake up at our home on Christmas morning, (SANTA - HELLO).. and we have had to fight it out, but it just works and in-laws know what to expect.
My mom is a saint and changed some stuff on Christmas to the weekend before.. which kind of sucks... but you have to give a little.

sorry and good luck!

Mojito Maven said...

Luckily this isn't too big of a problem for us. Mr. Mojito's family lives here in Texas so we can see them ALL THE TIME. My family is still in Colorado so it is harder to spend every holiday with my family. So, we usually spend Thanksgiving here in Dallas with his family and spend Christmas with my family in Denver. His family doesn't care because Mr. Mojito is Jewish (although not practicing) so we don't really have to compete for holidays!

Petunia said...

Can't you do Thanksgiving day at one place and the evening at the other, and the same with Christmas. Christmas eve with your parents, then Christmas day with his??
If you all live in the same general metropolitan area then there's no reason you can't see both sets of parents on each big day. That's what my family does and they rotate the holidays every year.

Kristy said...

I am with you... your family is always the most important to you! Luckily for me, my hubbys fam is not really traditional, so my family gets first dibs on us. =) Good luck with your first holidays as a married couple... we're working on our 5th!
I love your blog... I've added you to my blog list!

Georgia Girl said...

Uhhh... it was written IN my MARRIAGE VOWS (not really) that I WOULD be with MY mother on Christmas. If he wanted to be with his mother, that was fine but I'd be with mine & would catch up with him on the 26th. He could just leave my gifts under the tree.... which I really bought for myself & put his name on. Now, 13 years later we do "Christmas" with his family either a weekend before or after Christmas. Once everyone starts having kids it'll all get messed up again anyway. Best just pick another time for Beau's family. NOW...when MY BABY BOY gets married he WILL be at HIS MAMA's house for Christmas and yes, we'll leave his wife's gifts under their tree if she doesn't like it! I'm mean aren't I??? You can't mess with a girl & her Mama on Christmas!

Pharmacist Erin said...

I was shocked when my man suggested we spend Christmas together the year we were engaged. I'm just like you - I wanted one more year of just me and my family and our traditions. I wasn't ready for it to start! We live closer to his parents so we travel to my parents and have Thanksgiving noon meal and Christmas noon meal... then drive 3 hours to his parents and do the nightly supper Thanksgiving and Christmas meal. It's actually worked out really well. Good luck - this issue caused me so much stress! FWI - also figure out who all you have to buy Christmas gifts for in his family. My first year was major boo-boos. Who knew!

Justin and Jenn said...

My husband and I just got married two months ago and we both have VERY STRICT holiday schedules with our families. The problem: neither family will budge & the celebrations are at the exact same time every year...causing us to pick a family. How absurd is that We have to choose between the families. I, of course, choose mine...he chooses his. Our only compromise (and I'm not thrilled about it) is to alternate holidays. So I won't even see my family on Thanksgiving, but I get all day CHristmas with them! Oh the things we do for marriage...

Julia said...

We always alternate- each year we spend one with one, this year Thanksgiving with mine, and Christmas with the other and then next year we swap, so you still get your traditions, just every other year. Also when it is 'their' year that only means that they get first dibs, so my mother in law last year had first dibs for thanksgiving, but wound up having their dinner on Wed. 'cause my bro-in law had to work, so i still got t-giving with my family the next day. I think you just have to work it out, it will get real ugly when you have kids and want to start traditions of your own- hope it all works out!!

Happy Daily said...

hello! I think you have hit on the newlyweds biggest dilema! There is no easy solution I think; D and I just figure it out each year as we go. However, I have decided that once we have kids and a house, the families are coming to us! :)

Have a great day!

Rebecca Jo said...

I have been married for 13 years & it has NEVER worked out for us - its a yearly fight because neither one of us is willing to give up anything - so we are constantly running to every place, doing it all - & that really takes the fun out of it & the enjoyment! If you can compromise, do it! Both of you - somehow. Pick the things that are the most important & do that with each family. Or how about combining families & having a new tradition?

Belle's Mom said...

I'm Right There With You georgia girl!!! When the beau asked for Belle's hand in marriage I told him holidays would be with us!!! After all, there are 363 other days in the year! AND I can play the Grandparent card- POOR NANA & PAPA with us at the holidays, so sad that there favorite grandaughter who they absolutley live for, won't be there...God love them! Maybe they can wait until next year.. just maybe...

Belle's Mom said...

OK I dont want anyone to think i'm really that selfish- I'm just sayin...! Compromise is what it is all about- I'll put on my big girl panties and be the bigger person. My traditions will go on and then we'll add some. **Here's an open invitation for any one to come on over any time during the holidays- there might be an extra spot:(

Rebecca Taylor said...

It's SO hard!!! I am like you...I just want to be with my family. I have a decent relationship with my in laws, but I don't enjoy being with them. It's comfortable, but they just aren't people that I particularly enjoy. I know that's awful!!! I just can't help it! We had the dreaded talk yesterday. We are doing Thanksgiving and Christmas here with my family because I don't have a lot of vacation time, but we're doing New Years with his family.

Elizabeth said...

Luckily my husband and I dated all throughout high school and college, very rare I know, and we have already formed somewhat of a holiday schedule. We are also lucky in that our parents live in our hometown. We have it worked out where we spend the weekend before Thanksgiving with my immediate and extended family and Thanksgiving weekend with his, Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas day with his. Even though it is a lot of back and forth, this seems to work well for us and neither of us feel like we are being deprived of family traditions. Does your family and his family live close by? The only thing that is going to be difficult for us over the holidays (as a newly married couple) is which house to actually spend the night at - my parents or his - since every other year we have stayed apart (me with mine and him with his). This will not be that big of deal right now but eventually when we have little ones I can see this being a problem. Best of luck! PS - I love reading your blog. :)

misspro312 said...

We rush around to both families because they all live in the same town. So we spend all day driving between families. I wish we stayed with my family!!! But I have to compromise, even though my sister in law who is married to my brotherres him. she always goes to her family when they go for holidays. We may get an hour from them. But my brother is whipped.